No to this and yes to that

I’m trying to process the high profile sexual assault cases in the media at the moment and what lessons can be learned.

I sometimes allowed myself to be treated like sexual confectionary when I was a teen. Through my actions I gave cues and permissions to my peers to admire and revere me. I dressed to impress, I danced knowing they were watching, I giggled and teased.

I sometimes made myself into an ice maiden when I was a teen. High necked jumpers, daggy flannel shirts, blatant put downs and shutdowns before the poor fellow could get a word in.

I sometimes said yes when I meant yes, yes when I meant no, no when I meant yes and even occasionally, although not actually that often, no when I meant no.

On reflection, I said no when I meant yes, a lot, and I think that’s what got me through, battered and bruised, with memories and pain that needed dealing with, but ultimately through to this space of beautiful intimacy and self sovereignty with my body that I can experience now.

But I now realise that the no when I meant yes can be incredibly hard for a testosterone fuelled male, who I have given every indication that I’m into, to absorb. The train has already left the station!

I now realise that I had the language of consent down pat (or reasonably down pat). It was a binary switch, yes or no. What I didn’t have down pat was the language of intimacy, or as I term it, the language of the soul.

I believe we are missing the magic in the no. The magic in what we are saying yes to, when we say no and the capacity this gentle dance of no to this but yes to this instead creates.

When I say no I am saying no to instant, soulless pleasure grabbing and empty self gratification. I am saying no to listening to what others say and no to the porn industries version of intimacy. What I am saying yes to is our bodies and their innate wisdom. Yes to the time to create connection, safety, intimacy that feeds your soul and leads to deep joy and fulfilment.

Invite to the loony bin

My family and I are immensely privileged to be custodians of a stunning piece of the Australian landscape, and a studio, on the Macquarie River, just west of Dubbo, which the AirBnB platform has allowed us to share with over 230 guests over the last 4 years. That brings me great joy.

A couple of years ago I found myself in a really uncomfortable mental space and having tried, what I thought at the time, was everything, with no improvement, my last ditch effort was to admit myself to a psych hospital. The three week stay was the turning point I needed, but it didn't need to be that extreme, it was just that it was the only option left available to me, or so I thought.

The element I needed most from the experience was the excuse to totally dropout of society for that period, to turn off my phone, to sleep without guilt, to be fed without cooking, to have the responsibilities of being a mum, an employee, a wife, a sister, a committee member, a daughter and even a friend, removed for a bit.

One day during my stay I took myself up to the local cinema (a huge feat given my aversion to human contact at the time), bought a gargantuan box of popcorn and watched the soapiest film I could find. I came back to the hospital and cried and journaled and cried some more, it was intensely cathartic and not something I was able to do in my "normal" day to day because demands on my time would always kick in which meant that I wasn't able to let myself unravel.

On other days I would spend as much time as possible in the art room, just creating for the sake of spending the moment with a brush in my hand. I really enjoyed the banter of the others in the room, laughing about how we were deemed the loonies and yet here we were able to indulge in what has become in our upside down culture, the rare luxury of creative, healing, connecting time. We mused on the fact that actually we might be the sane ones!

So what's the connection to these two seemingly incongruous points? I would like to make our studio space available as a "loony bin" for anyone who just needs to tap out for a bit. My lived experience of mental wellbeing is that it's the circuit breakers, no matter how big or small, that make the most impact. An opportunity to break the cycle, to catch your breath, to see with fresh eyes and most importantly to let yourself receive the gift of nature and the human spirit.

If you, or someone you know, needs time out (and not in the naughty corner!) get in touch, we'll hatch a plan, I can do loony mates rates!

For more info follow this link Riverside studio or email me.