I have moved...again! There is excitement and anticipation tied up in moving. An energy that somehow got me through, but ultimately it is exhausting. The physical is expected. Packing boxes, moving furniture, cleaning the oven in the house you are leaving, cleaning the oven in the house you arrive to, it makes me weary thinking about it again.
The mental is to be expected as well. Settling into a new school for the kids, remembering what night is garbage night, addresses to change on accounts, on my drivers licence on our insurance policy. Its overwhelming at times but ultimately it is manageable.
It's the weariness that is coming from deep within that is confusing me. The gnawing question, will this move bring me contentment and peace? There is a sense of unease and turbulence that is bubbling up every time I have a conversation about anything remotely related to the future or whether I am enjoying the move!
In the lead up to the move I ran through every possible scenario, the good the bad and the ugly - what if the kids are unhappy in their new school, what if we can't find a nice house, what if, what if, what if. None of the bad stuff has eventuated and lots of elements have turned out to be even better than expected. Logically it has been a great success but I feel blah, beige, grey and ultimately, if I am honest frightfully scared.
And then I was gifted a message "its about learning to dance in the rain".
With this move we have made the commitment to step into this community as our forever community, to stop looking for the greener pastures and to start watering the grass on our side of the fence, and that, for me, who has lived in dozens of homes from Sydney to Saskatoon and numerous communities in between, is really scary.
It's scary too because I have put down roots before and been disappointed by the way my story unfolded and how I allowed my foliage to wither in response.
But I have realised that with a shift in my mindset I can rewrite my story going forward to being one where I bloom where I am now planted, mindfully stepping into the present moment, taking the lessons learned and using them to guide my choices going forward so that this new community will bring with it the contentment and peace I desire and most importantly, the ability to dance in the rain.